intro
2: Edward and Jacob’s bro-mance
3: Edward is Charlie, but better!
4: sex with Alice and Jasper
5: Bella versus Rosalie
6: beautiful, exotic Leah
7: Carlisle doctoring Bella
8: Edward and Bella condone murder
9: vampires are all white?
10: Bella’s blond ambition
11: the Cullens threaten us, Aro!
12: happily ignoring Bella’s self-destruction
13: nobody eats well in Forks
14: doesn’t Bella mean beautiful?
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